HealthInfo Waitaha Canterbury

Sexual behaviour in children and teenagers

It is natural for tamariki (children) and rangatahi (young people) to express their sexuality and their interest in the differences between the sexes through their behaviour.

It is important to understand the difference between normal sexual behaviour for the age of your tamaiti (child) and behaviour that is outside the expected range for their age.

Normal sexual behaviour for children and teenagers

It is normal for tamariki to want to learn about their bodies. It is also normal for them to be curious about why their body is different from a parent or sibling of the opposite sex. For a tamaiti, this is curiosity, not sexual.

Tamariki aged 0 to 4 years

Tamariki at this stage may:

• like to run around with no clothes on
• touch or rub their own genitals
• want to touch the genitals or breasts of other tamariki or adults they are familiar with
• be interested in differences in body parts such as penises or breasts
• want to look at other tamariki with no clothes on.

Tamariki aged 5 to 9 years

Tamariki in this age group may:

• start to want privacy when going to the toilet or showering
• masturbate in private
• show curiosity about sexuality (for example, asking questions about babies, gender and relationships).

Tamariki aged 10 to 13 years

Tamariki in this age group may:

• use sexual language
• show an interest in girlfriend-boyfriend relationships
• masturbate in private.

Rangatahi aged 14 to 17 years

Rangatahi in this age group may:

• view materials for sexual arousal
• have clear and detailed conversations about sex with friends
• get involved in sexual activity with a partner of a similar age.

Masturbation

Masturbation is one of the most common sexual behaviours that parents seek advice about.

Tamariki under 5 years may masturbate in public. This is because they are not yet aware that this is not socially acceptable. Older tamariki are less likely to do this.

Masturbation is a self-soothing behaviour. It can increase when tamariki are unsettled or stressed. At such times, parents or others can think that sexual abuse has happened. That is a possibility. But it is also important to try to find out what other things might be causing stress for your tamaiti.

When frequent masturbation happens in these situations, it is best to provide support for your tamaiti. You can also distract them with other activities. You can ask them to limit the behaviour to when they are in their bedroom in private. Masturbation is of concern if your tamaiti finds it hard to stop. It is also of concern if it is vigorous enough to cause self-harm.

Sexual behaviour in children and teenagers that is out of the normal range

Tamariki and rangatahi expressing the following behaviours need to be assessment. The assessment will aim to understand what is causing these behaviours.

A specialist psychologist or counsellor may do the assessment. Oranga Tamariki – Ministry for Children or the police may need to investigate.

Tamariki aged 0 to 4 years

You may be concerned about tamariki in this age group who are:

• masturbating compulsively or to the point of causing self-injury
• pretending to have (simulating) sexual activity
• forcing other tamariki to engage in sexual activity
• often touching the genitals of others.

Tamariki aged 5 to 9 years

You may be concerned about tamariki in this age group who:

• are engaging in sexual behaviour with tamariki much younger than them
• have sexual activity with animals
• are entering the rooms of sleeping tamariki to engage in touch or sexual activity with the other tamaiti.

Tamariki aged 10 to 13 years

You may be concerned about tamariki in this age group who are:

• masturbating compulsively
• forcing others into sexual activity
• exchanging money or goods for sexual activity
• sending or publishing sexual images of themselves or another person.

Rangatahi aged 14 to 17 years

You may be concerned about rangatahi in this age group who are:

• preoccupied with sexually aggressive material or illegal pornography
• engaging in sexual activity with tamariki much younger than them
• forcing others into sexual activity – this can include criminal activity.

Getting help with sexual behaviour in children and teenagers

If you are concerned that the sexual behaviour is out of the normal range of behaviour, first contact your general practice team. They may refer your tamaiti or rangatahi for assessment by a specialist. The specialist may be a psychologist or counsellor.

If you have concerns your tamariki may have experienced sexual abuse, you can contact:

• Oranga Tamariki – Ministry for Children on 0508-FAMILY (0508-326-459)
• Police on 111 if it is an emergency or 105 if it is not an emergency
• Safe to talk on 0800-044-334, text 4334

  HealthInfo recommends the following videos

• Listening to Families – Sexualised behaviour

  A series of short videos providing answers to questions about sexual behaviour in tamariki.

  HealthInfo recommends the following pages

• KidsHealth – How to talk to your child about sex

  Advice on how to talk to your tamaiti about sex.

• Raising Children Network – Sexual development

  More detailed information about sexual behaviour at various ages.

Written by HealthInfo clinical advisers. Page created October 2023.

Sources

Page reference: 1145184

Review key: HISBC-1145184