HealthInfo Canterbury
Parenting with depression & anxiety
Te whakamātua me te pāpōuri me āwangawanga
Looking after children is tough at the best of times. It's even harder if you suffer from anxiety or depression.
Children are very tuned in to emotions and can be negatively affected by a parent’s mental illness. They may:
- act out with challenging behaviour
- withdraw when their own emotional needs aren't met
- "grow up too fast" when they feel they need to be a carer
- become anxious themselves.
Seeing this happen can make you feel worse because of guilty feelings and losing confidence in your parenting.
Here are some practical steps you can take when you're parenting and have depression or anxiety.
Get help for your condition
The first step is to identify your problem and get the right help. See your general practice team or look into counselling. You might benefit from medication or talking therapy. If you're already on medication, talk to your general practice team about whether you need a change in the dose or type of medication.
Look after yourself
It’s hard to look after others when you're unwell. Don’t forget your own physical and emotional wellbeing. Try to eat well and stay active.
Get help with parenting
When you have depression, negative thoughts can knock your confidence about the way you look after your child. You could try:
- Going on a parenting course. These can help you understand your child’s behaviour and give you strategies to use at home.
- Asking for support from whānau (family) or friends. Talk to them about what's happening. It can be difficult to ask for help, but you'll often be surprised at what people are happy to do.
- Reading Tips for Improving behaviour in tamariki (children).
Get support for your child
If you've been depressed or anxious for some time, it could help to get extra support for your child. You could:
- get help through a family support organisation
- consider finding another trusted adult that your child can talk to about how they're feeling and how things are going
- consider letting your child’s teacher or pastoral leader know what's happening so they can keep an eye out for them and support them at school. They might also be able to organise counselling for your child at school.
Try to be present
Children live in the present. Try to join them. This can be really hard when your mind feels overwhelmed, but being present is a really useful tool in improving brain chemistry. It takes practice. Try to:
- take time to watch your child play
- observe what they're doing and ask them questions
- join in.
Playing and being in the moment will not only benefit your child but will also help you in your recovery.
Getting outside in nature has huge benefits for both you and your child. Go for a walk, to the beach or to the local park. Take time to notice the effect this has on both your child's and your own wellbeing.
Written by HealthInfo clinical advisers. Last reviewed May 2023.
SourcesReview key: HIDEP-48681
