HealthInfo West Coast-Te Tai Poutini

Bullying information for parents

Te whakaweti

 

Bullying is repeated behaviour that is intended to harm someone. Bullying can also be a misuse of power, such as in a relationship.

Different types of bullying include:

• Physical bullying such as hitting, pushing and spitting.
• Emotional or verbal bullying such as name-calling or threatening to harm someone. Also, offensive comments that are often related to race, colour, religion and sexuality.
• Social bullying such as spreading rumours, repeatedly not including someone and encouraging others to do the same.
• Cyberbullying, which happens online using phones and computers. A cyberbully uses social networks to post comments and share personal information intending to embarrass or humiliate someone.

Some people think bullying is just part of growing up and a way for tamariki (children) to learn to stick up for themselves. But bullying is serious and can make tamariki feel lonely, unhappy, frightened, unsafe and think that there must be something wrong with them.

Signs that a tamaiti (child) is being bullied include tummy aches, nightmares, reluctance to go to school and loss of confidence. They may lose contact with friends and seem isolated.

What to do if your child is being bullied

• Talk with your tamaiti. Take whatever they say seriously and find out exactly what has been going on. Listen to your tamaiti and stay calm.
• Be patient, as tamariki who experience bullying are often frightened to talk about what is happening. Be prepared for your tamaiti to deny that there is anything wrong.
• Encourage your tamaiti by saying you are concerned, and you want to help and support them. Reassure them that the bullying is not their fault, and they have a right to be safe. Let them know that talking takes courage and they have done the right thing by talking about it.
• Ask your tamaiti what they want to do about it and how you can help. Reassure them that you can work together to solve the problem.
• Together, plan what your tamaiti will do if they get bullied again. The most important thing is to let them know how to get help if bullying happens.
• Encourage them to speak to an adult if it happens and to keep on asking for help if the bullying does not stop. Check in regularly with your tamaiti to see how they are doing.
• See the next page for how to get help if your child is being bullied.

What to do if your child bullies others

• It is important to respond in a calm and helpful way. Tamariki who bully others need help and support to learn better ways of behaving with others.
• Try to understand why your tamaiti is bullying. Ask them what they think is going on. Remember not to criticise, blame or judge them.
• Tell your tamaiti that you do not support bullying but you will support them and you want to help them stop. Talk to your tamaiti about better ways to handle situations. Praise good behaviour.

  HealthInfo recommends the following videos

• Bullying-Free NZ
  • Oat the goat

    Oat the goat is an interactive, online storybook. You can select an English or te reo Māori version of the story. You can also choose whether to read the story, have it read to you or watch it. It aims to help 4- to 7-year-old tamariki learn skills that will prevent bullying.

  • Videos

    Videos of young people talking about bullying behaviour and what is important to them.

• Sticks 'n Stones – Cyberbullying: What's the Big Deal?

  Sticks 'n Stones is a teenage led programme based in Central Otago committed to taking positive action online.

  HealthInfo recommends the following pages

• 0800 What's Up Kids – Bullying

  Advice for tamariki on what bullying is, and what to do about it if they or someone they know are being bullied. There is also a bit of advice for kids who have been accused of bullying someone else.

• Bullying-Free NZ

  Information about bullying and how to deal with it. Includes videos about bullying.

• KidsHealth – Bullying

  Information about bullying and what you can do.

• Ministry of Education – Bullying

  Information to help you if your tamaiti is being bullied (or has been told they are a bully) and links to other websites where you can get help and advice.

• Netsafe – Cyberbullying

  Advice for young people, parents and caregivers, and teachers on how to recognise cyberbullying and what to do about it.

On the next page: Getting help if your child is being bullied

Written by HealthInfo clinical advisers. Last reviewed December 2024.

Sources

Page reference: 206166

Review key: HIBCH-206166