HealthInfo West Coast-Te Tai Poutini
Child (tamaiti) behaviour
Whanonga a te tamaiti
Tamariki (children) and rangatahi (teenagers) can behave in ways that their parents find very difficult to deal with. Many of these behaviours are simply part of kids learning how to be independent.
Sometimes difficult behaviour happens because the basics are out of kilter. Not enough sleep or physical activity can have a bigger effect on their behaviour than we realise. So can too much screen time.
More than anything, tamariki and rangatahi simply want positive time and attention from their parents. Difficult behaviour usually gets parents' attention. Kids who are entertaining themselves often get left to get on with it.
If your tamaiti (child) learns that misbehaving or acting out is an effective way to get the attention they need, they may do so more often.
A good way of changing behaviour is to spend time each day doing something with your tamariki that they want to do. It will help to join in with their choice of activity, even for a short time.
It is also important to find ways to be positive, such as praising good behaviour.
Tips for Improving behaviour in tamariki (children) has more details and ideas.
Sometimes tamariki and rangatahi behave badly because something happening in their life is too much to deal with. Maybe they are trying to deal with bullying, grief or conflict between their parents. Acknowledging their distress and getting help with the issue can improve their behaviour.
Parenting tamariki with difficult behaviour can be challenging. Take time to look after yourself as well. Getting enough sleep, physical activity and reducing your stress can help you control your reactions to bad behaviour.
It can be helpful to let tamariki know you are aware you do not always get things right. You could work together on change. “Do you know what, I can get really angry sometimes and I know that can be hard for you. I reckon we should look to find some ways to be better at staying calm.”
Getting help with tamaiti behaviour
If difficult behaviour continues, there are several groups and programmes that can offer support for you and your whānau (family).
It can be a real worry if your tamaiti's behaviour starts affecting their schooling. This is likely to affect their learning and social adjustment.
Schools have access to free behaviour support teachers and behaviour management teachers. Also, special education advisers and educational psychologists.
For the most challenging tamariki and rangatahi, they can offer an intensive wrap-around service. The service addresses social, educational and intellectual issues that are affecting your child's learning. If your tamaiti needs support, talk to their school or preschool about how they can help.
HealthInfo recommends the following pages
- Parent Help – Ages and stages
Information about what difficult behaviours are typical at different ages. It includes strategies for dealing with them.
- Real Parents – Tips for...
Advice for all age groups around what to expect and how to manage difficulties.
- Northland District Health Board – Whānau pack
Advice to parents of rangatahi.
On the next page: Tips for Improving behaviour in tamariki (children)
Written by HealthInfo clinical advisers. Last reviewed December 2024.
SourcesReview key: HIPPR-71581
