HealthInfo Canterbury

Helping your teen with anxiety

Te āwhina i tāku rangatahi mānawanawa

You can do a lot to help your anxious rangatahi (young person). Anxious rangatahi often have an anxious parent. If you also have anxiety, getting help for your own anxiety is a very important first step. It will help you teach your rangatahi to manage their anxiety in a healthy way.

It's important to understand how your rangatahi behaves when they're anxious and that different behaviours need different responses. If they seek constant reassurance or show avoidance behaviour, you need to manage them differently than if they're angry and irritable. Some rangatahi will self-harm or even contemplate suicide. Whether they use drugs or alcohol can also change the approach needed.

Your rangatahi may be anxious about specific problems or events or they may worry about many things. You may know about these problems and be trying to help or you may not know how much these problems are affecting your rangatahi. It's common for parents to underestimate how anxious their rangatahi is.

Problems could include bullying, the death or illness of a family member or pet, not having many friends at school or a teacher who doesn't understand your rangatahi well. Other problems could include learning difficulties, long-term health issues, relationship difficulties or stress.

Rangatahi are still learning the range of skills needed for coping with difficulties. They may not know how to explain their problems or how to ask for help.

Teaching your rangatahi coping strategies is very important. If your rangatahi seeks constant reassurance, they need to learn how to soothe and reassure themselves. The Anxiety Disorders Association of British Columbia (AnxietyBC) has many tools and plans to help rangatahi develop their own ways to cope with anxiety.

Rangatahi who become angry, defiant or show difficult behaviours need a different response. They need kind and consistent discipline, support and understanding. This is to address the anxiety at the heart of this behaviour. Fair and consistent consequences and boundaries tell your rangatahi that the world is generally a predictable place that makes sense. Giving them a comforting sense of where they fit in will reduce their anxiety. The Australian Raising Children Network has tips and tools for behaviour management.

If you're concerned about alcohol or drugs as a complicating factor, you can seek further advice about alcohol on this page or drugs on this page.

Home balance

Getting the balance right at home is important for anxious rangatahi. Some of the basics of life might be out of balance and need adjusting.

These areas of life are important for young people to thrive:

• getting enough sleep
• plenty of physical activity
• healthy eating
• appropriate screen-time
• quality time with parents
• calm parenting with minimal parental conflict
• help to learn to do things for themselves.

Things that might make anxiety worse

Unfortunately, some rangatahi are exposed to violence, abuse or neglect. Anxiety can be the way they express their distress about this. If a rangatahi or young person might be at risk of harm or in danger, contact Oranga Tamariki (Ministry for Children) on 0508‑326‑459.

These resources may help you help your rangatahi with specific problems that could be making them anxious:

• bullying
• earthquakes and other scary events
• perfectionism
• school anxiety
• social anxiety
• separation anxiety.

Mindfulness and relaxation

If your rangatahi is struggling with anxiety, you could try mindfulness or guided meditation. This internet-based programme can help rangatahi with anxiety.

• Smiling Mind

  A free mindfulness meditation developed especially for rangatahi . It's available as a web-based program or an app. It can help your rangatahi relax and learn to manage anxious thoughts.

Helplines

• The Lowdown, phone 0800‑111‑757 or txt 5626

  A website and a free 24/7 phone line to help young New Zealanders recognise and understand depression or anxiety and to help them to get to a better place.

• Youthline, phone 0800-376-633

  Freephone any time or free txt 234 to speak to a counsellor.

• 0800 What's Up, phone 0800‑942‑8787

  Free counselling helpline for tamariki (children) and rangatahi. Call Monday to Friday, 12 noon to 11 pm. Saturday and Sunday, 3 pm to 11 pm.

• Parent Help, phone 0800‑568‑856

  Free parenting helpline to support parents with the challenges of parenting.

  HealthInfo recommends the following videos

• Acceptance & Commitment Therapy – The Struggle Switch

  This animated video from Dr Russ Harris explains the ideas behind acceptance and commitment therapy.

• Melon Health – First steps to managing anxiety

  A series of short videos explaining anxiety and offering suggestions to help manage it.

• UCLA Health – How parents can help with child anxiety

  Ways that parents can help their tamaiti (child) manage feelings of stress and anxiety.

  HealthInfo recommends the following pages

• Ask Aunty Dee

  Aunty Dee can help you solve problems with issues like bullying, depression, drinking, grief and sex. The website is designed for young Pasifika people, but it can help all rangatahi.

• Raising Children Network

  Information about anxiety in rangatahi, including how to recognise it and how to help.

• The Lowdown – Understanding anxiety

  Information written for rangatahi.

On the next page: Getting help for my teen with anxiety

Written by HealthInfo clinical advisers. Last reviewed May 2023.

Sources

Page reference: 643669

Review key: HIAXY-53690