HealthInfo Canterbury
You can do a lot to help your anxious rangatahi (young person). Anxious rangatahi often have an anxious parent. If you also have anxiety, getting help for your own anxiety is a very important first step. It will help you teach your rangatahi to manage their anxiety in a healthy way.
It's important to understand how your rangatahi behaves when they're anxious and that different behaviours need different responses. If they seek constant reassurance or show avoidance behaviour, you need to manage them differently than if they're angry and irritable. Some rangatahi will self-harm or even contemplate suicide. Whether they use drugs or alcohol can also change the approach needed.
Your rangatahi may be anxious about specific problems or events or they may worry about many things. You may know about these problems and be trying to help or you may not know how much these problems are affecting your rangatahi. It's common for parents to underestimate how anxious their rangatahi is.
Problems could include bullying, the death or illness of a family member or pet, not having many friends at school or a teacher who doesn't understand your rangatahi well. Other problems could include learning difficulties, long-term health issues, relationship difficulties or stress.
Rangatahi are still learning the range of skills needed for coping with difficulties. They may not know how to explain their problems or how to ask for help.
Teaching your rangatahi coping strategies is very important. If your rangatahi seeks constant reassurance, they need to learn how to soothe and reassure themselves. The Anxiety Disorders Association of British Columbia (AnxietyBC) has many tools and plans to help rangatahi develop their own ways to cope with anxiety.
Rangatahi who become angry, defiant or show difficult behaviours need a different response. They need kind and consistent discipline, support and understanding. This is to address the anxiety at the heart of this behaviour. Fair and consistent consequences and boundaries tell your rangatahi that the world is generally a predictable place that makes sense. Giving them a comforting sense of where they fit in will reduce their anxiety. The Australian Raising Children Network has tips and tools for behaviour management.
If you're concerned about alcohol or drugs as a complicating factor, you can seek further advice about alcohol on this page or drugs on this page.
Getting the balance right at home is important for anxious rangatahi. Some of the basics of life might be out of balance and need adjusting.
These areas of life are important for young people to thrive:
Unfortunately, some rangatahi are exposed to violence, abuse or neglect. Anxiety can be the way they express their distress about this. If a rangatahi or young person might be at risk of harm or in danger, contact Oranga Tamariki (Ministry for Children) on 0508‑326‑459.
These resources may help you help your rangatahi with specific problems that could be making them anxious:
If your rangatahi is struggling with anxiety, you could try mindfulness or guided meditation. This internet-based programme can help rangatahi with anxiety.
A free mindfulness meditation developed especially for rangatahi . It's available as a web-based program or an app. It can help your rangatahi relax and learn to manage anxious thoughts.
A website and a free 24/7 phone line to help young New Zealanders recognise and understand depression or anxiety and to help them to get to a better place.
Freephone any time or free txt 234 to speak to a counsellor.
Free counselling helpline for tamariki (children) and rangatahi. Call Monday to Friday, 12 noon to 11 pm. Saturday and Sunday, 3 pm to 11 pm.
Free parenting helpline to support parents with the challenges of parenting.
HealthInfo recommends the following videos
This animated video from Dr Russ Harris explains the ideas behind acceptance and commitment therapy.
A series of short videos explaining anxiety and offering suggestions to help manage it.
Ways that parents can help their tamaiti (child) manage feelings of stress and anxiety.
HealthInfo recommends the following pages
Aunty Dee can help you solve problems with issues like bullying, depression, drinking, grief and sex. The website is designed for young Pasifika people, but it can help all rangatahi.
Information about anxiety in rangatahi, including how to recognise it and how to help.
Information written for rangatahi.
On the next page: Getting help for my teen with anxiety
Written by HealthInfo clinical advisers. Last reviewed May 2023.
Review key: HIAXY-53690