HealthInfo Waitaha Canterbury
Grief is the feeling of sadness and pain you have when you lose someone or something that is important to you. It might be the loss of someone you love or the death of a pet. It may be the end of an important relationship or friendship or being forced to give up something you love. You might even grieve about leaving school, university or a job.
Grief is a natural response to loss. People experience grief in different ways. The feelings may include intense sadness, fear, anger or guilt. Sometimes grief can affect you physically. For example, making sleep difficult or affecting your appetite. These are all normal responses to loss.
Everyone feels grief at some time in their life and everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Grief may be particularly difficult for a rangatahi (young person). This is because they may already be going through major emotional and physical changes because of puberty.
Sometimes when you are grieving, you might be tempted to use other things to help you feel better, like alcohol, drugs, food or sex. These things might help to numb you and take away the pain for a while, but they do not really help you work through your grief. They can also become problems if you keep using them to manage difficult feelings.
While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are some healthy ways to help you cope with your pain and come to terms with your loss. The websites below have lots of information and advice about how you can look after yourself while you are grieving. Getting information helps, but it is also a good idea to talk to someone you trust.
If you think your grief is overwhelming, lasting too long or you feel stuck, it is a good idea to talk to someone experienced who can help. For example, your general practice team. If you find it easier to talk to someone anonymously, try one of the helplines listed below.
If you know someone who is grieving, it can be hard knowing how to help them. You might feel unsure about what to say, or afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Helping and supporting them may include things such as:
Free call or txt 1737, need to talk? on 1737 or 0800-1737-1737 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to talk to a trained counsellor or peer support worker about any type of grief or loss.
Freephone 0800‑942‑8787 to speak to a counsellor for free or chat online (Monday to Friday, 12 noon to 11 pm, weekends 3 pm to 11 pm).
The 0800 What's Up? website also has information about what grief is, how it affects you, feelings, how to cope and supporting a friend.
Phone Lifeline on 0800-543-354 or text 4357 for 24 hour, 7 days a week counselling and support.
Freephone 0800‑376-633 (any time) or free txt 234 to speak to a counsellor.
You can also chat online using the webchat between 10 am and 10 pm, Tuesday to Friday and 4:30 pm to 10 pm, Saturday to Monday.
Email any time. Counsellors aim to respond to emails within 24 hours.
HealthInfo recommends the following pages
More information about grief and loss, signs to look for and how the doctor can help you when grief does not pass.
Advice on how to get through. Skylight can also send you a personal information pack, to help with whatever is causing your grief. They will send you anything they think will help and can post it to anywhere in New Zealand. Skylight has also made some video clips where rangatahi (young people) explain how they get through tough times.
This site has information about grief and a video about grief when someone dies, how to look after yourself and getting help. This is an Australian website, so the phone numbers will not work in New Zealand.
Sands New Zealand is a network of non-profit, parent-run support groups supporting whānau (families) who have experienced the loss of a pēpi (baby).
Written by HealthInfo clinical advisers. Last reviewed May 2024.
See also:
Review key: HIGYT-53204